DEAR DR. BROTHERS: I am a nice lady in my early 40s. I have been divorced for almost 10 years now, and I enjoy my social life. I really am not too interested in meeting Prince Charming, yet I have an idea in the back of my mind that he is out there somewhere. In the meantime, I would like to continue just looking. My problem is with the dating Web sites. I find that most of them want you to pinpoint what "department" you want your information to be in. There usually is a choice of Just Dating, Getting Serious or Brief Encounters. You get the idea. I am really Just Dating, but since the Encounters in these places consistently attract more people, that's where I usually hang my hat. Does this sound appropriate to you? -- T.R.
DEAR T.R.: My dear, to me the whole idea of meeting people on the Internet is kind of strange, but I am trying to adjust to the realities of the new century! I'm sure you are, too. Apparently the days of having someone introduce two friends is rapidly fading, if it still exists at all. But enough reminiscing. I think it sounds as though you have access to the information you need to make the system work for you. That's fine, but you need to always observe the safety rules about meeting people with whom you chat online. Be careful; meet in a public place -- you know the drill.
In terms of the three categories, I suppose you may meet more men in Encounters, but you need to examine what kind of people they are before you casually agree to go out with them. I imagine that category might contain many married men looking to cheat on their wives, or rather shallow creatures on the prowl for a one-night stand. Right in the beginning, make it known to all that you are not one of those, and that you are interested in dating, not just chatting.
DEAR DR. BROTHERS: I hope you don't think this is a trivial problem, because it is causing a lot of friction between me and my fiance. We are pretty much opposites in personality, which actually works out fine, but I really can't stand his pets, and I don't think I could tolerate his two dogs after we move in together and get married. I haven't told him this, but so far I've tried to just avoid the animals and ignore them when they bark and jump on me. He loves these two rambunctious mutts; I like quiet animals. But I don't want this to wreck our relationship. Help! -- L.B.
DEAR L.B.: This is not a trivial problem -- it's a train wreck waiting to happen. Your fiance loves his "mutts" and will want you all to be one big, happy family, where you all love each other. That's the way he's dreaming about it. You, on the other hand, are wondering how you're going to get out of the deal with the dogs. Someone is going to end up very unhappy, unless you honestly face this issue now and decide what to do, as a couple. Tell him how you feel, and know that he probably will stick up for his dogs and wonder why you can't love them as he does.
If you don't think you can warm up to the dogs with their current behavior, even after living with them for a while, you need to confess this to your husband-to-be. If they truly are unruly, why don't you suggest some obedience classes for the dogs? As a gesture of good will, maybe you could take them to the class yourself, and get to know them and have them get used to obeying you. The result could be two much more well-behaved animals and two owners who enjoy them. I think it would be a great way to start your marriage: replacing a potentially ugly atmosphere with one of loving compromise. If you're not willing to go that far, you'd better tell him now so that he can decide which of you is going to have to go.
Internet Dating & Online Dating
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